True Joy!

- Mark

Throughout my life I was severely bullied which left me very ill. I was taken out of secondary school because the doctors thought that it could leave me critically ill.

I had my first contact with Christians through boys brigade, although I enjoyed it, it wasn’t because of the small amount of Christian teaching that we had but because I was at an age where I thought that marching around wearing a uniform was cool.

After several years at boys brigade I started to tire of this and wanted something different. I tried various other activities but found nothing that really attracted me, then one time someone new turned up at one of the meetings, I could see something different about him, I know now that I saw Jesus in him but at the time I just saw that he had a ‘joy’ that I wanted.

It turned out that he was a youth leader that had moved into Hull not long before and was starting a youth group which he invited everyone to. Out of boys brigade I was the only one that showed at the meeting, the only others were various trouble causers only interested in disrupting the group however the group was fun enough for me to go to the group that he started next.

he had a ‘joy’ that I wanted.

I made a decision to follow God to try to attain this ‘joy’ that I had longed for.

One evening he invited me and some friends to his house to play on his playstation, this was when the playstation was first released and me and my friends jumped at the opportunity to go on it. After he got to know us better he started talking to us about God and we feigned interest so we could go on the playstation, however after a while of talking to us I started to listen…then I started to get interested. I had always believed in God and Jesus but I had the belief that just by saying they existed I was a Christian. After a while I started going round less for the computer and more for the talks.

He followed by then inviting me along to a Christian camp where I saw people with the same ‘joy’ that I saw in him. It was then that I realized that this joy was in some way connected with the God that I knew so little about. I made a decision to follow God to try to attain this ‘joy’ that I had longed for.

I expected my life to be perfect after that point, but when I got back to Hull where people mocked me for my faith (or should I say borrowed faith as I had still not truly committed myself to the Lord at this point) I found myself quickly sinking back into the loneliness and depression that I knew all to well.

people mocked me for my faith

I found empty churches with empty faith

I searched for a church that had the joy that I had seen however I found empty churches with empty faith and the only thing that kept me spiritually alive during this point was the camp’s that I still went to in the summers.

I spent several years in this cycle of having my faith boosted on camp’s then drop gradually over the year until I found the Hull Vineyard, at first I thought that it was some cult as I had never seen a church with a full band before! I ended up going to the Vineyard first for the songs and then for the spiritual stability that it offered me.

I found my faith growing over time as I found a place of regular teaching and worship, about half a year after finding the Vineyard a new youth leader joined my old one in Hull, her name will be familiar to many of the regulars to CCYC, Steph Trebilcock! Who invited me to CCYC 2001 I decided to go although I wanted to go to another camp. It turned out to be the best camp I had ever been on!

I had begun to consider suicide on a regular basis ...

I saw myself as a waste of space

At this time although I didn’t tell anyone I was going through a lot of problems and the largest one was that I had begun to consider suicide on a regular basis, the bullying in school had finally caught up with me. I saw myself as a waste of space and struggled to stay from killing myself. My thanks go out to all that I met at CCYC 2001, you all helped to pull me through. The main help however came from God, I had many times placed a knife to my wrist and every time I couldn’t do it, not because I was scared, I had reached a point were life was scarier, it was because all I heard every time was three words echoing in my head “I love you, I love you” and I knew this was Jesus. If I hadn’t have known Jesus I would be dead by now…I have a lot to be thankful for.

Through the love that I received even from Christians that I hardly knew I realized that I wasn’t a waste of space.

With the comfort and confidence that I was slowly growing I began stepping out more, no longer content to hide from people I started to build more friendships and also found the ‘joy’ that I had wanted for such a long time, the joy that comes from knowing Christ and being so excited that I wanted to tell the world.

It was during this point that I wrote my first worship song, I thought that it was terrible but I performed it at a talent show and came 1st. I began writing more worship songs. People have recently begun telling me that I should find someone to release my songs.

God has helped me in so many ways, one of the best examples is my job at Vineyard Music. I walked in with no qualifications and got the job. I’m now settled in a church, a Christian company and my youth pastor is training me to replace him.

Looking back at my life I can see God’s hand guiding me through many problems and looking forwards I can see more problems but God will guide me through.

I hope that, if you don’t already, you come to know the joy that I’ve found.

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