Rock Bottom & Diggin...

by Becky

I've always grown up in a semi Christian background. From the age of six months I went to Church with my mum, my sister and my Grandma. I never related with the church because it was full of old people and the sermons were full of confusing language explaining things that I didn't understand.  So really church and certain aspects of Christianity became almost a routine, that I didn't connect with. I attended a

I never related with the church because it was full of old people

church Sunday school for a few years and then one of the leaders was diagnosed with cancer. After this I didn't return to the church because I didn't want to see her health gradually going downhill. So gradually I began to drift away from church. As did my sister who never found her way back again.

I grew up hating school this was because when I was in year three used to get beaten up, it didn't help that I put up with it until my mum saw the bruises and asked what had been happening. Immediately the school were informed and finally after a year of taunting I was left alone. By the time I reached year six my confidence had

gradually I started to hate myself

boosted until a girl took it upon herself to bully me, it was mainly verbal but over the year all the confidence I had was lost and gradually I started to hate myself. Finally when we left to go to secondary school I decided that I would go to a school that was as far away from theses people as possible and to get a fresh start.

Starting at a new school was great even though I didn't know anybody was finally given the chance to be myself, therefore people had to accept me. At this time I had completely drifted from religion and God wasn't anything I considered as being a part of my life. I made lots of new friends and was respected by people. I joined the

I had completely drifted from religion and God

Christian union but I never felt that I was there for the right reasons and was only looking at aspects of Christianity half heartily.

My time at school was great until year nine when we all moved classes, I was separated from most of my friends. I then made friends with this girl who managed to get me all messed up through her problems with drugs and her family life. Once again I had my confidence severely lowered. I started drifting away from my old set of friends and began to feel utterly hopeless; I hated myself so much and felt that I was just a fat useless excuse for a human being.

By the time I reached year 10 I was feeling so low that I turned to self harming as a way to let my feelings out,

I turned to self harming...

unfortunately I still have some scars left to show for this time, they will always remain there but that is part of my life that I have to accept. My work was suffering I had done badly in my end of term exams and I only had a year left until my actual GCSEs I was going to fail them and I felt that my life wasn't worth living. I was gradually digging myself into a hole.

To be continued............
come back next week for the final episode.