 God made me what I am today.
by Sian
You can read Part 1 of Sian’s story in the archives
When I was 15, I realised what my parent's had told me years before, that I wasn't on my own - not only had I had a twin sister, who died when she
was 10 weeks old - but right from the start God was with me and protecting me.
My self-esteem wasn't great ... how come God didn't take me! |
It was that positivieness to life that took me through the next 6 months. I began to think more on the idea. That Michelle was taken away from me to a better
place, sitting at the right hand of God! My self-esteem wasn't great and I always asked the question, how come God didn't take me!
Every question came up, why did Michelle die, when would I ever get answers? My parents didn't talk about it out of choice, as it was too upsetting!
But me being my inquisitive self, I never understood! I just kept asking. It was as if apart of my life was missing, and I just needed an answer! And I only wanted to understand why!
After months of thinking and praying about what I could do, trying to work out what the doctors could tell me, wanting to prove to myself that she was dead and
it wasn't just a story! I finally realised that she was gone, and asking more and more questions wasn't going to bring her back.
It's a pretty scary thought knowing that you had someone that could have shared your whole life with you. Someone so close that every moment of everyday she
would be there! Well she was for first 10 weeks and now she still always will be in my heart!
From the day we were born we were always together; we slept in the same cot, and ate the same food. Howcome that two babies, in the same circumstances, could end up
so different? A question always on my mind was why did
Howcome that two babies, in the same circumstances, could end up so different? |
she die and I'm still here? What was so different?The morning she died, was the worst day of my mum's life, waking up and realising that the twins were so quiet something was very wrong! I
could never imagine the hurt and the pain she went through. The only comfort she knew was there, was the fact that I was still breathing. She held Michelle for a while until the
Ambulance came, they took us both. They wanted me, so they could do some tests. This broke my mum's heart!
When I read her thoughts once in a book, this really brought home the reality of loosing a Child. It made me angry that a God of such power and might could do this!
As my Christian progress I learnt more about the love of God! Until one year at 'Spring Harvest' I released the anger I had inside. I let God fill the hole that was missing,
and I let God really show me what his will was for me.
God delivered me from all the pain I had |
God delivered me from all the pain I had and of realising that Michelle had died. The one thing he really showed me was that even though Michelle had died, I was still alive and God had some
amazing plans for my life.God uses my life for his work, without losing Michelle I wouldn't have gained independence. If Michelle was still alive my life would be totally different.
Maybe better, maybe worse. But I'm glad that through
I was still alive and God had some amazing plans for my life |
everything God has always carried me through the times of trial and suffering I have never been alone!
Michelle might be gone, but there isn't a day that goes by now that I don't think about her and thank God for my life and the reality that God showed me through this situation.
|
