Escape from a Cult - Part II

by Joe Croft

You can read Part I of Joe’s story in the Archives

“I was confused about whether God existed, whether there was a hell, and, with two-timing my boyfriend, had I messed up enough to be going there?”

The Taylorite cult didn’t seem to have any good answers to these questions. What with all this, I was very emotional when I started my second year at 6th form. It was then that I met a Christian called Steve who befriended me, and asked me a lot of

“this guy is for real - this is what Christians are supposed to be like”

questions about the group I was in.

His beliefs intrigued me - some were similar to my parents ideas, but others were very different. I liked the fact that he didn’t seem bothered about discussing the Christian faith and he obviously knew the bible well. I began to think to myself: “this guy is for real - this is what Christians are supposed to be like. I ought to be like this”.

I told my Mum that I had met Stephen and a bit about his beliefs, and she seemed very angry. I didn’t understand why (I realised later that she thought his combination of ideas was very dangerous). But she didn’t say very much about it.

I prayed, and thanked God for “saving” me

However, she got my Gran to sort me out, which she did by giving me two Christian leaflets to read. One I didn’t understand, but the other seemed to make complete sense to me. For the first time I felt I understood and could accept the concept of faith in an invisible God. I realised that “saying sorry” to God, and starting all over again was what I needed. I prayed, and thanked God for “saving” me. didn’t quite understand what was going on, but I felt as though something had changed. It was the 4th October 1992.

Over the next few days I started to read my Bible (and for the first time felt I understood it), and within a couple of weeks realised that the cult did a lot of things that were the absolute opposite of what the Bible said Christians ought to do. I wanted to leave the group, but this would have been very difficult, because I was still at school, so I stayed.

I felt absolutely terrified at leaving the cult - how on earth would I cope in the ordinary world?

The next 18 months were some of the hardest of my life so far. I wanted to be honest and open about myself at last, but if I was, I knew I would be in big trouble. I wanted to try to be respectful to my parents, but some of things they wanted me to do I thought were wrong. I felt as though I was walking a knife edge.

I also felt absolutely terrified about leaving the cult - how on earth would I cope in the ordinary world? (if you can imagine being dropped suddenly in a foreign country & didn’t know the language or customs - that’s what it was like).

But having to live at home with my parents was an experience which helped my faith to grow a lot, because I really had to rely on God, and a lot of the time God was the only person who I could talk to about the way I felt. So I think it did me good, really. 

I finally told my parents that I was planning to leave

When I finally told my parents that I was planning to leave, almost immediately every kind of pressure that the cult could think of was applied to me, to try to get me to stay. I was scared, but also felt strangely unmoved by the psychological pressure they were putting onto me - somehow I just knew I was in the right, and that God was with me, and would carry me through. God gave me the courage to stand up for what I knew was right, even though I still felt scared.

Eventually, when I found out they were going to send my brothers & sisters away and not let anyone in the cult see or talk to me, I decided it was time to leave. I packed a small bag of my personal possessions, and ran out of the house! Stephen’s family agreed to look after me temporarily. It was the 12th March 1994.

I packed a small bag of my personal possessions and ran out of the house!

I was afraid of the outside world, but God was looking after me, and I (miraculously) found a good job immediately, so I could look after myself. It took me a long time to adjust to the new way of living, I had to do a lot of growing up very fast, and I made a lot of mistakes, but the relief of being free to follow God and my conscience was enormous.

I miss my family a lot - they are never allowed to speak to me now - but God has given me many friends who are like a replacement family to me, and He has always been there for me.