Escape from a Cult - Part I

by Joe Croft

Imagine living in a house with no television, computers, videos, or radio, and with parents who think that your next door neighbours are so wicked that you shouldn’t even speak to them !! That was what my childhood was like. I grew up in a very strict religious cult known as the exclusive brethren or “Taylorites”. They believe in living separately from the world around them.

I wanted what the other children had ... I didn’t fit in anywhere

I grew up in west London, and I was the oldest of five children. During my early years, I did not notice the strictness of the group much, but when I went to school, I began to realise how different my life was from the other children I went to school with. I wanted what the other children had, and I felt that I didn’t fit in anywhere - either at school, or in the cult. I didn’t dare discuss this with my parents, because I knew they wouldn’t understand, and would just tell me I was being wicked.

I began to wonder if there was a God at all

I started reading a lot, to make up for the fact that I was really lonely, and so I learned more and more about the outside world, and inside of me I was really rebelling. I learned to be deceitful, so that nobody would know what I really felt or thought. It was as though I was wearing a mask all the time. When I questioned my parents about their beliefs, they didn’t seem to have very convincing answers, so I wasn’t really sure I believed in the God they talked about. I began to wonder if there was a God at all. I didn’t seem to see any evidence for him.

When I went to secondary school, I began to find out a lot about alternative world views, and got into feminism, environmentalism, and left wing politics. I liked the liberal and humanistic way of thinking, and adopted it as my own. I began to openly rebel a bit, wearing black clothes only (which my parents hated), and sometimes wearing makeup and jewellery (which were forbidden).

was there a hell, and had I messed up badly enough to be going there?

By the time I was 17, I had gained a bit of confidence, and was thinking of leaving the cult, but I was scared of what I thought was the big bad world outside. I was at 6th form, doing A-levels, and had a few friends at school at last. And then I found a boyfriend !! Wow, someone liked me - my ego went soaring. But inside I was still a complete mess, and when temptation came, I fell straight into it. I wound up two-timing my boyfriend. When I found the courage to tell him, he was devastated. I felt incredibly guilty - I had hurt somebody (possibly the only person, I thought) who actually cared about me. I had failed to live up to my own standard of doing good to others. I began to wonder seriously about God - did God exist, what was he/she/it like, was there a hell, and had I messed up badly enough to be going there?..........

You can read the final part of Joe’s story next week
- only on Kernow Youth!